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Articles on Widow Recovery |
content by Linda Foldvik
published: June 22, 2010
The world does not know how to relate to us widows. It is a sad commentary on
our society: people are more comfortable with divorce than with death. We have
been taught, by the medical profession to believe that no one should die. Well,
those of us left behind by loved ones know better. Death does happen.
Those of us left behind have no choice but to deal with it. My husband and I
were fortunate enough to do most things together. I was able to work from home
most of the time. We spent most of our time together. We purposely set up my
office off the kitchen so that we could close to each other during the day. We
hated being apart.
When Orin first died, being alone was especially difficult. Though, I do hate
to cry in front of anyone. Being alone allowed me to cry when I needed to
without being self-conscious or worrying about others’ reaction to my
tears. People hate to see others cry. It makes them feel so helpless. Heck,
crying makes me feel a bit helpless, too.
I have gotten used to being alone, again, during the day. During the day, I
rather like being alone. I keep busy doing work for my clients. I have taken up
crocheting again. I cannot sit still. While crocheting or watching t.v., I sit
in my rocking chair. I had always loved to rock.
The hardest parts of each day for me are first thing in the morning and going
to bed. I hate being in our bed alone. I think that is true of all widows. I
tell my husband “good morning” every day as I get up, and “good
night” every night as I go to bed. I talk to my husband, Orin, every day.
I just know that he is around me. Perhaps not all the time, but there are times
when I really feel his presence. Some people find that creepy. I find it very
comforting. I love knowing that he is still around me. I want to always keep
him in my life. Talking to him is my way of doing that. I don’t feel so
alone when I talk to Orin. Do you talk to your husband?
Has your husband “come to you?” My doctor asked me that a few months
after Orin died when I went to her for my annual physical. I was glad to know
that others think that loved ones ‘come back’ in some way or another.
I told her, “yes, he has.” Orin came back to me as a touch once.
Other times I just feel his presence. I also see his shadow quite often. When I
say shadow, I do not mean I see his body form. What I see is a black/dark spot,
like a body just passed by. I usually see the shadow out of the corner of my
eye. This is really comforting, too.
Think about it. I bet you have seen/felt your husband, too. I hope you find
comfort and strength from that.
Life as a widow is all about living this new unwanted life, and keeping Him
alive in all the ways you can. At first, the sadness will overwhelm you. That
is okay—allow yourself all the time you need to feel that sadness. As time
goes on, you will find the right time for you to start to feel less overwhelmed
by the sadness and to fit in new happiness into your day. Don’t let anyone
rush you. You have to get through the initial period of grief as you see fit.
No one else can tell you how or when to do this. People can make suggestions,
though, and they will.
Have a great day. |
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